Miller's future

Been thinking alot about Miller's future here lately, espcially after the loss of berry. I seem to have not been really paying attention to how much miller really is aging. Call it denial or whatever, it really didn't hit me till berry was gone and he became the resident "old dog". Miller is still running great and loves going running with me on the track and in agility (we do about 2 miles on the track), but I am constantly worrying about how much longer I have to do these kinds of things with him. I flip flop between am I running him too much and injuring him versus not running him enough and injuring him. I have been debating about moving him down but don't want to too early if he still is doing well at 2o inches, plus I am still chasing my top title in USDAA and don't want to move him down to 16 in training and in the ring in AKC but still have him jump at 22 in USDAA. SO, I think I have finally got my mind made up on a plan. I think I am going to jump him at 2o for the two september shows that are AKC and then do USDAA nationals at 22 and then do only USDAA for the rest of the year and then move him down to 16 inches for AKC. I can do more local shows at novice preferred in the winter season anyway when traveling isn't as big a deal. I think that is fair for Miller and I and I will just forget the plan of getting his second MACH and think longevity more than what we can accomplish.

Deuce is also still a question. While he is progressing nicely, i do see moments of pure puppy brain. Take class the other night. He didn't want to do anything, was more interested in sniffing, visiting, and doing anything other than agility. I was so disappointed as he had been doing so great in the backyard with his weaves and with his contacts and then at Lori's house he wouldn't even send over a jump and decided creeping down the a-frame rather than driving into position was more fun. It was almost like, who the heck is this dog and what happened to my good doggy? I am leaning towards waiting till he is 2 but not sure. On one hand, you want to get them in early, on the other hand, you don't want to risk bad experiences due to not being ready. It is a pure balancing act between getting good ring experience and getting quality runs, versus letting bad habits form or stress increasing due to not being ready.

Berry dog April 17, 1997-August 5, 2010

I guess I knew this day was coming. I guess I knew in my gut when she got sick that there was no getting well. I had hope but I knew the odds were stacked against us. I thought I had mentally prepared myself for this but I was wrong. I feel like someone has ripped my heart out and stomped on it a million times. I feel like I am slowly falling apart. My heart dog is gone and all I can do is cry. Why I am acting so selfishly? I keep telling myself that berry lived a great life with me and she always got the best of what I could give her. I keep telling myself that she is in a better place and is whole again with no bum knee and no rules. She can be the fun police all she wants to and chase all the horses she wants to without me yelling at her, but for some reason, I still cry. I mourn for my baby, my sweet, sweet berry dog. I want this pain to lessen but I know time is the only healer. I have had tons of emails and FB posts and they all help me but this flat out plain sucks. I tried to sleep last night but every time I closed my eyes, I saw that look on her face as the medicine acted on her body. I wanted to be so calm so that her passing was smooth and not stressful for her but I am afraid that the last thing she saw was me freaking out and sobbing. Barb, my best friend in the whole world was there with me as was my favorite vet and vet tech, but it didn't matter. As she left this world, she took a huge hunk of my heart with her and it hurts like hell.

I have been trying to think of all the good times this morning and the things I will miss and wanted to share some of those funny stories here. I think blogging and talking to people is how I deal the best with tough situations so there may be many blogs and posts until I can heal.



This was probably one of the funniest pictures I have of berry. I was living in CO at the time in a little one bedroom apartment working a job in Golden. This had been a very hard time for me with grad school ending after a very bad time with a very bad major professor in which I had basically given up getting my degree and left KSU and KS for that matter. Anyway, Tony was still in KS in electrical apprentice school and had one more year till he could transfer anywhere. He and the dogs were just hanging out till they could join me in CO. I was super lonely, knew no one there, traveled so I couldn't keep the dogs with me and for that matter, the apartment complex didn't even allow dogs anyway. Well, christmas time came that year and Tony and all three dogs came out to visit for a while. My mom, who always out does herself at christmas, had as usual done more than she should. Carebears had come back into style as they were when I was a kid and she had looked far and wide for me a grumpy bear. That was my favorite carebear for some reason growing up and I had had one for years. Well, as you can see from the picture, as soon as I unwrapped it, Berry was very interested in it so much so that we put it up really high so she couldn't interact with it while we were gone for the day. I still to this day don't know how she got it down with her bum knee, but when we got home, grumpy bear was missing his nose and stuffing had been surgically removed from his nose hole and from a hole in his butt. The other dogs did not posses surgical skills like berry as they would shred toys to bits so we knew it was her. We still wonder if she bribed harley and miller into getting that bear down for her to do surgery on. She looked so guilty and when I got this film developed, I had to laugh so hard at this picture! Do you think she looked guilty? I DO!


I had taught berry to wave as a trick. Berry was a very smart dog but at the time I got her, I knew nothing of dog training per se. We had been asked to be in a church play where we ran on the stage and the dogs did agility stuff and then we ran off. Unfortunatley, the dogs got freaked out by the circus music and the lights so we had to go to plan B. We all ran onto the stage and then I had berry sit and wave for a cookie because she would do anything for food. Berry always saved the day! This picture was taken at aussie nationals in St. Louis. I think my mom took them with her 35 mm camera and they all turned out so great. Berry was a very photogenic pup so I have tons of pictures of her. One of my favorites was taken by Mickey Rabeneck as a professional portrait. We have it in our hall way with the boy's photos under it. She is and always will be the alpha bitch in our household and I will so miss her bossiness and her cheerleading.

I love this picture too. Berry loved frisbees and agility more than anything. Okay well maybe chasing horses too.

Okay for whatever reason this one won't load in correctly but I love it so I am not going to delete it. Tony could only come up once a month when I lived in CO so he would initially only bring one dog up at a time. The first time he came up, he asked what dog I wanted to see first and of course it was my berry dog. We went up into the mountains and did all the typical CO things. This is at the Contenential Divide. The prairie dogs were driving her nuts.



Okay tired from crying and typing so taking a break. More to come after I rest. This truly is making me feel better. I will have to get some really old pics of her out and scan them in for sure now. They are classic and I want to share them. Going to try and get some sleep.

Berry

Well, today has been a hard day. My eldest aussie Berry has been sick a couple of days and at 13, little illnesses hit her hard. I hate not knowing what to do, and knowing that a big decision may have to be made today. I keep thinking I am done crying but then I just start all over and it just hurts all over again. Berry is my first aussie, my first agility dog, and my first dog that I was totally responsible for from puppy to now. She is my heart dog and I have done alot for her over the years. I will not take this decision lightly but I will not prolong her suffering for my selfish reasons. I just hate not knowing what is the right decision and when is the right time. So, to make myself feel better, I want to tell Berry's story and celebrate the awesome life we have had together.

I remember seeing berry and her siblings in the closet right after they had been born. We had been to the rodeo and we knew berry's mom (my roomies aussie) was getting close to having the pups. Berry's mom was a nobody, just a working aussie that had been bred to another working aussie. Nothing special but alot of drive and alot of instinct. I had played around with the idea of owning a dog as I was a sophomore in college and working at the equestrian facility at UTM. Sometimes later at night or early in the am, I would see coyotes or other critters and I felt like having a dog with me would make me feel a little better. Plus, having a dog to work the rodeo stock would be nice too so I had been thinking about it. I have to admit, I feel in love with berry's sister, a little red merle I had named Margarita. I watched as people came to pick up their pups one by one till all that was left was little berry. She was the runt of the litter and usually hid when others came to look so they never really saw her. I like to think she had already chosen me and was making sure that no one else picked her out so I could have her. I was still on the fence about taking her as I knew the financial responsibility a dog carried with it and I already had two horses to care for. My roomie suggested I take her home that weekend to my parent's house as there was a rodeo in town and maybe if some of the rodeo folks saw her that they might buy her. She even said I could have part of the money if I could find her a home. I remember loading her into my truck and putting her in a bucket next to my seat so she was confined while I drove, but could still see out. Of course my mom fell in love with her and convinced me to keep her. Thus begins berry's story with me in earnest.


It just so happened that right after I decided to keep berry, I had to move. The new rodeo coach wanted the house we lived in as part of his contract so we had to quickly find a place to live. There was a little trailer park down the street from us and they had openings so in we moved, except they really didn't want dogs. So, my poor mom got stuck training, socializing and potty training berry for a few months till I could convince my landlords that I was a good dog owner. My mom would call me at night cussing me because berry didn't want to go potty and mom didn't want her to go in the house! Berry also went through a very serious chewing phase in which she ate an antique bed frame among other things. Finally, I convinced the landlord I could handle having berry there and not have her inside with me (hard to believe they were really that worried about the piece of crap trailers we called home but whatever). Berry lived on a little chain on our front porch with a nice dog house and plenty of water and food. She went to work with me every morning and helped me with chores and then every night same thing plus she went everywhere I rode. She was a happy dog and life was good!

Fast forward a couple of years to me in grad school. When I initially moved in, once again I couldn't find a place that took dogs so berry lived with my then fiance while I looked for a place for all of us. He was planning on moving out as soon as he graduated and then we were to be married that December. Berry loved Jody and his family as they always took her when she went into heat. Jody's dad Joe did alot of her initial obedience training and also taught her the love of the Frisbee. She was like their grandchild. I finally found a little house to rent and once again, berry had a little chain and a little dog house and went with me twice a day to feed and ride. About this time, Jody and I ended our relationship and berry and I became single ladies. I rode pretty much every day and made lots of friends at the barn, one of which became my best friend barb. Barb is solely responsible for getting me started in agility so I blame her for all of my addictions.

Berry and I started agility with a beginner class at the local kennel club on matted concrete and tiny equipment. After one class I decided I was ready to show (i laugh at this mentality now) and we started out at show and gos. Well, I quickly learned that I didn't know a quarter of what I needed to know to show so I started taking lessons/classes from Joan Meyer and Lori Michaels. We started competing after many classes and seminars and of course did well for what we knew. Back then contacts were point and pray and crosses were just becoming more well defined. We always seemed to muddle through courses and even made it to excellent A JWW and open standard before berry had to be retired. Berry blew her knee out during a non-related agility accident and even though we elected to do surgery, it never really healed well enough for her to compete seriously again. Berry retired to head cheerleader of the red Aussie crew as Miller and Harley took over the reins of showing.

Berry beat mass cell cancer during this time and other various little health issues and has always been as healthy as a horse. She has been with me through a major relationship and break up, a horrible grad school experience, a marriage that is still going strong, countless foster dogs, two silly puppies (Harley and deuce) long trips to TN and to CO, and showing in agility. She is my first Aussie and first agility dog and my heart dog. No matter what happens today, I will always love her. She is what an Aussie should be, tough, determined, full of instinct, and loyal. This dog would follow me to hell and back if I asked her too. I would do the same. I love you berry dog and no matter what happens today, you will always be in my heart and in my soul.

trials

Well as I write this, Miller and Harley are entered in two fall trials and that is it. I am sad, I want to go to more but we just can't afford it. I am trying to make extra money by doing my dog training business but it just isn't helping the way I thought it would. I am wondering if the break would do me some good though mentally? I do plan on going to USDAA nationals as this would be Miller's last nationals but after that, I am not so sure. Deuce is coming along nicely but I am seriously considering holding him out of competition till he is 2 so he can mentally grow up. It sure is going to be hard with so many of my friends getting their babies up and going but I am going to try and stick to my guns and not put him in as soon as he is old enough. We started car shopping tonight to replace my van and even if I get a used vehicle that is going to cut my dog show budget in half:( I am seriously thinking about getting a car and keeping my van for the long trips. Maybe if the van didn't have the wear and tear of driving back and forth to work everyday and class, it would hold up longer but then you have to consider taxes and tags and insurance on two vehicles (well three if you count tony's truck). Anyway, I will continue to train my boys as if we have a show next weekend and be sad when everyone else is going to trials. I do miss my friends that I only see on trial weekends so it is going to be hard to not see them this fall:( We will be at Triune and Agility ability, but only for two days and then I hope to hit our local November USDAA trial. Past that, we will have to see how tony's work is going and if I am making a car payment or not. I am going to think positive, we will be coming to at least some local shows and that is going to be good enough!

where to go from here

I have been having lots of thoughts swirling in my head lately about miller and about showing. Miller is 11 now and even though he is still running like a young dog, I am trying to decide what is fair for him and what is not. I have stopped running him in competition class and just practice small sequences in the open practice, but I am not sure if that is helping him or hurting him. I have been running/walking with him a mile or two every couple of days to keep my cardio different and to get him out. He seems to absolutely love anytime he gets alone with me so he seems happy when we run/walk so I continue to do that with him and then I give him an anti-inflammatory just in case after wards. I am of two minds here and not sure what to do. On one hand, I feel like not doing full courses could be hurting us at shows, thus the knocked bars so maybe putting him back in competition class where we run three of four full courses would be better, but then I risk doing too much with him. On the other hand, I do feel like he doesn't need the repetition and length of full courses but I need it! I get rusty too! I am not sure the running/walking is all that good for him since we are on a concrete track but that really is my only option and of course when I say running, I mean he is trotting beside me jogging. I just don't know what to do! He detests water and we really don't have any place to swim our dogs anyway so that is not an option. I have seen too many agility dogs quickly age when they cut back on what they do and i have noticed he doesn't seem as happy with life right now, partially because of all of the attention Deuce gets but partially because he isn't training as much. I know we aren't suppose to put feelings on our dogs but I can tell when he is sulky for sure as he just goes and lays in the dining room floor and ignores us. It is VERY obvious. Anyway, trying to figure out what to do. No point in trialing if we aren't going to train but I am not ready to stop trialing. We are going to take the summer off due to Tony's work situation and due to us having a little too much fun with our credit card, but want to be back showing by the September show. I am going to go ahead and do the USDAA show next weekend so I have some glimmer of hope that we might find a partner and get to go to nationals. Still thinking and ruminating about ideas and possibilities. Trying to do what is best for my best canine friend, keep him happy and let him do what he loves but still stay injury free.

Go-Dogs Weekend

What a fun weekend! We always camp at the KOA as they have book Friday, get Saturday free this weekend and this KOA is super nice. I did book a cabin this time since Tony was camping with me and doesn't appreciate "roughing it". Plus, now that we have five dogs, camping in a tent when they all want to be on the cot with you is tough as we don't all fit! This year the KOA had a fenced in dog park with miniature dog agility equipment. It was so nice to not have to worry about the dogs tracking mud or grass into the room (floor was wood and sweepable), not having to worry about the dogs on the bedding (our bedding we brought) and being able to dump them in the dog park and watch them play off leash instead of crating them all day and night. Other than some of the campers letting their kids run around in the dog park (against the rules) and barefoot might I add, we had a great weekend camping. It was so relaxing, even if it was 20 minutes away from the show site. I think I might have talked tony into camping there again for the next Omaha show, even though cost wise it isn't much cheaper than a hotel. Something about having a cabin with a porch swing, in the peace and quiet of the woods just does something for you.

The show was fun, despite the Q rate. For whatever reason, Miller was refusing obstacles but randomly, not consistently any one obstacle. He ran around the second to the last jump in standard on saturday even though I connected with him as he came out of the tunnel and told him "out, jump". Oh well, wasn't a double Q anyway but still puzzled as to why he did that! He also ran around a tunnel on Sunday in standard even though I told him "turn, tunnel". It took more effort for him to run around the tunnel than it did to go in it. Then he thought barking at me was more fun than going in the tunnel. I will be honest, I was pissed about that one for a really, really long time. That would have been double Q number 6 for nationals, and even though I am not going, it would be nice to say at least that I qualified for nationals this year. I know we will get it, but usually I am already qualified at this point for nationals and I am a bit behind this year. I know we have plenty of time and I know I had to take things slowly and still am since his injury and I have to take all of those things into account. I know cutting back to two days per show is killing me but I know it is better for Miller.

Harley and Tony continue to gel as a team but he is still having inconsistency issues with Harley. He does seem to be handling this better and I do think Harley is maturing finally which helps. Tony did let me run him in standard on Sunday and boy was that fun! He seems to be alot less stressed now that we are doing running contacts with him. I got a fairly quick sit on the table, even though for me "load up" means get on the table and lay down first. Tony has let the meaning of that command deteriorate and if that is okay with him, I have to live with it. Harley is so obstacle focused and both Miller and Deuce are so handler focused so it about took me off guard when he immediately started shopping as soon as we left the start line! I did forget that pushing Harley in the weaves (me chattering go, go, go) really amps Harley up and usually causes him to pop so we popped out of the weave poles. Other than that, I enjoyed running him and forgot how much fun running a fast dog can be! I hope Deuce has some of Harley's speed in him for sure!

I am looking forward to a few weeks off before the next show. Let's just say that between all the concert tickets and the hotel rooms we have been charging, our credit card is starting to build up some debt. I originally thought about pulling all of my entries for the next three months but I think I will leave our June entries and just not enter in July or August. We should be able to pay a big chunk off by then and the doggies can always use the rest and relaxation. Maybe we will actually be able to start working on all the projects we have at home!

Bellvue weekend 2010

Another outdoor show and another cold weekend with lots of bars. I love going to Omaha, so much to do and I love outdoor trials but this field has never been good to the red aussie crew and this weekend was no exception. Some of the bars were my fault (the lead out in the standard course was my fault, but what about the double?) but some were just weird and random (harley's first bar in JWW and on the flat in JWW). The field seemed to be un-level, especially in the JWW ring but the other ring seemed fine. There was a muddy spot in the JWW ring and for that reason, I think I ran very cautious for my first run. We were lucky that the weather held out and all we had was cold because it looked like it could rain for sure all weekend. We had fun, going to Cabela's on Saturday (Tony's toy store) where we got some cool doggy first aid stuff and then taking Deuce on a play date with Ami's Tazer, who is the same size and plays the same as Deuce. We are going back again this weekend so hoping the field won't be a mud pit from all of this rain we are suppose to get this week. Highlights from the weekend were no doubt Tony getting a Q in Ex B standard with a third place (don't watch his dog walk contact so you don't see Harley miss it by a mile) and going to a running shoe store and getting fitting for real running shoes!!!! Of course seeing Deuce so happy after playing with Tazer for an hour was great too and all the great advice I got made me feel so much better about some of the behaviors he is doing right now. We are camping this coming weekend so finger's crossed for good weather!